Since Donald Trump slithered his way into office in 2016 it feels as though our daily news cycle has got more ridiculous by the day. Gone are the days of a singular story dominating the news for days, everything goes in one ear and out the other and we all are victim to it at some point. Everything moves so quickly that if you aren’t part of the conversation from the get-go you get left behind as everyone is looking that next sweet, sweet hit of dopamine.
Couple this with the increasingly intrusive and pervasive content on social media, it’s clear we’re becoming desensitised to the kind of horrors that stopped us in our tracks before. Where the world used to stand still, it now glances, takes a snap and moves on.
So given that a global pandemic has more or less monopolised news for the past three months some stories that would’ve been meme’d to oblivion have slipped through the net. We’ve curated some Harambe-level (RIP) news that got strong-armed out of the way by the constant cycle of those tone-deaf celebrity sing-a-longs and government road maps.
Prisoners in Ecuador sealed up and flooded prison yard to create a pool
What could go wrong here?
When heavy rain storms descended on a prison in south-central Ecuador, the inmates did just what any other person would do.
I’ll explain it in culinary terms cause why not:
Cover drainage holes with objects and allow to set.
Wait 1 hour for storm to brew and block bathroom plug holes.
Run cold water on taps and allow water rise naturally.
Bring any additional aquatic connoisseurs to the yard and marinate the rising water with inflatables.
Raise the alarm to cause panic among the guards.
Don’t forget to wipe out any enemy gangs in the process and viola, there you have it – a makeshift prison swimming pool.
“These things cannot be allowed”, said prison director Ana Belen Cabrera.
Pfft you are no fun.
Bong Joon-Ho names Kevin De Bruyne as one of his five dream dinner guests
“We are eating Spanish cuisine. Lots of Paella.”
Alongside some more predictable picks, director of Oscar-winning film ‘Parasite’, Bong Joonn-Ho said Belgium and Manchester City midfielder Kevin De Bruyne as one of his dream dinner guests.
I’d love to be a fly on the wall in that conversation.
— ESPN UK (@ESPNUK) February 12, 2020
US government confirms UFOs after Tom De Longe of Blink 182 leaks information
Where areee youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?
I felt by this point aliens and anyone searching for evidence of them have been meme’d to the point of no return. The ‘Storm Area 51‘ debacle of last year ended up in some cringe-worthy Naruto-running, rather than any concrete changes and it definitely didn’t feel like a washed-up pop-punk front man would change that.
But low and behold there must be radio waves that can contact other galaxies in those god-awful croons. Blink-182 front man Tom DeLonge set up his own company called ‘To the Stars Academy of Arts & Sciences‘ that researches unidentified aerial phenomena and in May they published images at the same time as a significantly smaller outlet known as the New York times.
It resulted in the Navy acknowledging that the videos weren’t fabricated and the Department of Defense officially releasing the videos in order to “to clear up any misconceptions by the public.”
Monkeys steal COVID patient samples from lab in India
What is gas about this incident is the employee decided to sit and film the monkeys stealing the samples, rather than do anything about it.
Sorry Karen, you can get your results later, this video fina slap on Twitter.
South Korean football club FC Seoul apologises for using sex dolls to fill empty stands
With football stadiums off limits to supporters one South Korean team came up with an interesting alternative. The Guardian reported that FC Seoul said the dolls were inadvertently ordered after a “misunderstanding” with the suppliers.
Still less plastic than UCD.
Strip Club offers drive through service during US lockdown
Enjoy your socially-distanced boner and support your local community business.
Scientists studying penguins have reported getting extremely high on nitrous oxide emitted by penguin poo, causing them to get ill
Watch all the Creamfields regulars heading to the north pole with a bluetooth speaker and a bucket hat following a pandemic-induced balloon shortage.
Mitt Romney at a black lives matter protest
The Republicans are a rare bunch and I don’t see Mitt voting to defund the police anytime soon, but I near spat out my coffee when I seen the former presidential candidate marching in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement.
A devoted mormon and a bit of a headcase, he definitely gave me Westboro Bapist vibes before, so this was a big surprise. Maybe he’s looking clout, but it also turns out he was the only Senate Republican to vote for Trump’s conviction after his impeachment.
Regardless in relative terms this is like Leo Varadkar doing an overnight in a city centre squat.
.@MittRomney is marching with a group of nearly 1,000 Christians to the White House. Here he is on video saying why he’s walking: “… to make sure that people understand that Black Lives Matter” https://t.co/KCxJNchCMs pic.twitter.com/Za0Am2WL8g
— Hannah Natanson (@hannah_natanson) June 7, 2020
Photography: Boon Jong Ho – Valerie Macon (Getty) // Tom DeLonge – Consequence of Sound // Sex dolls – YONHAP/AFP via Getty Images // Penguins – Credit: Su Yin Khoo/Flickr // Mitt Romney – Michelle Boorstein, Washington Post, Getty.