Living Hell 002: Dentist Waiting Room Chic

Words: Dylan Murphy

Imagine zooming your poor nan for the weekly family quiz when the inevitable second wave hits. She’ll think you relocated to a North Korean prison.

What is it?
An €880 a month 18m squared room built onto the side of a house.

It’s pretty mad that we have got to a point where I nearly found myself saying, “that isn’t too bad actually” when comparing it to some of the other pricy hell holes in the capital.

It’s described by the landlord as a “very private place”. At least no one will hear your tears.

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If you break it down you are paying roughly 48 euro per square ft a month. That means there are at least 48 different ways to stare at the ceiling blankly, questioning your existence.

Add one of those two-way mirrors and you’d be living in a weird observational facility testing how long it takes for the Dubin housing market to completely break you.

Imagine zooming your poor nan for the weekly family quiz when the inevitable second wave hits. She’ll think you relocated to a North Korean prison.

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“It’s called dentist waiting room chic darling, it’s all the rage.” – A landlord, probably.

Out-of-date gossip magazines and a squealing toddler would arguably make this place more appealing and breathe a little bit of life into one of the most clinical looking spots I’ve seen in a while.

There are only a few things more painfully white than this place: Taking pictures and jesting “let’s do a silly one”, saying toast is spicy, asking “You ready to rock and roll” while coming out of the toilet, shaking your hands dry and doing the ice-bucket challenge.

And surely that isn’t a shower curtain… in the kitchen?

Wait where is the sink…?

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Ah, there we go.

I remember I went paintballing once and the outdoor hut we picked up our weapons in had that very same sink apparatus. There were also bugs in the cupboard beneath looking appalled at the facilities.

The upside is that it is, in fact, a decently spacious room, the downside is your sobbing will morbidly echo off the painstakingly clinical white interior.

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The bathroom’s claustrophobic settings actually seem appealing when you otherwise have a lot of space to work out what exactly the waiting area-meets-kitchen shower curtain hybrid is or was supposed to be.

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Where is it?
Santry, Dublin 9, attached to someone’s house. These weird ‘studio’ style granny flats seem to be all the rage for people looking to make a few bob off students. Just imagine bringing someone back after a night out in a post-COVID world and telling them to take a seat in the waiting area whilst you spruce yourself up behind your kitchen’s shower curtain.

Conclusion

Look, price-wise it isn’t as ridiculous as some of the other properties being peddled out there, but it is part of this new wave of ‘alternative housing solutions’ creeping into the capital that looks set to become a weird overpriced option for desperate students.

I’ve seen better and I’ve seen worse, but this thoroughly depressing property gets a 6/10 on the shitemeter.

Click here to view the property.

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