By Emily Mullen
“I don’t want to remember that this is my Last Supper”
In a new series called the Last Supper, we ask Dubliners and adoptees what their last meal would be in this fine city before they departed for St. Peter’s pearly gates. Handpicking starters, mains and desserts and everything in between, from the vast store cupboard of Dublin cuisine, past or present. Completely fictitious and absolutely ridiculous it’s an unlimited budget series that relies purely on imagination. In mining the brains of these people, we hope to uncover some hidden gems, forgotten food slingers and make everyone a bit emosh in the process. First up is Craig Connolly, Director at District Magazine, avid carvery consumer, Morrissey hater and paid-up member of the uncaffeinated coffee league:
First off where are you having your Last Supper?
There’s a little alfresco dining area beside Tamangos on Portmarnock Beach that would be pure bliss for the Last Supper. I’m imagining a mild day, with no breeze, so the sand stays completely on the ground. It’s approaching sunset and I’m sitting in a cabaret-style booth like in Goodfellas, for no reason.
Who is serving you your Last Supper?
I’m planning on having loads of meat so I would pick Morrissey just to annoy him. I’m not picturing real Morrissey, I’m picturing a fat animated Morrissey from the Simpsons coming over to me begrudgingly having to sing The Smiths songs to me while also serving me tonnes of meat.
Are you requesting him to sing Meat is Murder or any specific song?
I think he’ll be so miserable anyway, that I’ll ask him “what’s your least favourite Smiths song” and then get him to play whatever it is.
Who are you having the Last Supper with?
My fiance Hannah and my dog Suso, who will be eating her favourite food at the table with us. Her favourite food is a side of salmon, which I’m imagining will just hop out of the water in Portmarnock Beach onto her plate. Suso is just delighted to be there, she doesn’t care that it’s my Last Supper ‘cos she has this gigantic side of salmon in front of her.
The salmon came directly from the sea?
Straight out, I don’t even think salmon can come from a beach? But this one time, it does.
Okay, you’ve set the scene really well, let’s talk about water tap or bottled?
I’m going to go with bottled water, the fanciest shit you have is what I want. It has to be sparkling with a wedge of clementine in it.
Bougie AF, okay and your starter?
The starter is from Tang on Middle Abbey Street, I fucking love Tang, I go there pretty much every day when it’s open. What I’m choosing for my starter is sort of, off the Tang menu, because their stuff changes so much with the seasons, but they always make it for me. It’s three fried eggs, with duqqa, mixed nuts, chilli oil, tahini on top of a gigantic piece of sourdough toast. It’s outrageously good for something that’s like eight quid on Middle Abbey Street. Steven from Tang is a friend of District, mainly because I’ve spent so much time in there. Steven probably won’t like me talking about something that’s not on the menu but hey, everyone should just try it.
A very high-density starter, what’s your main meal?
The main is a carvery from Fagan’s in Drumcondra. I lived in Drumcondra for eight years and I used to go most Saturdays and Sundays for the carvery. It was probably one of the few ways I got vegetables into me from the ages of 22-30. I know the chef in there Mario, when he was plating up he would ask “stuffing and gravy?” and if you said “yeah” he would actually give you a mountain of stuffing and ladles of gravy. I always went for a mix, turkey and beef with all the trimmings. In addition to the trimmings, you also get a side of chips, a bowl of pepper sauce and a bowl of gravy on the side. It’s a bloodbath, there’s so much food.
So you want Mario to plate it for you since he proportions the plate to your liking?
He needs to cook and plate the food, that’s essential.
What’s your dessert?
I’ve thought a lot about this, I want to have my Nanny’s scones when they are fresh out of the oven. These are pretty standard plain scones, around the size of a toddler’s fist. If you microwave them for 30 seconds, take them out and load them with butter, cream and raspberry jam. I will honestly eat about 15 of them in a sitting.
What are you drinking with all this?
It’s going to be 15 pints of Guinness from the Gravediggers, I don’t want to remember that this is my Last Supper. I was trying to think of decent wines so people would think I know about wines, but fuck that, give me 15 Guinness, hook it to my veins I want to be like blind by the end of it.
Anything to finish the meal off with?
I can’t really drink caffeinated drinks because they give me anxiety, so if this really was my Last Supper I would have a quadruple espresso. You know that feeling when you are getting a little sleepy in a restaurant before a night out, one sip of an espresso and you are transformed, like “I’m back! I can attack the night,” I want that kind of turnaround at the end.
Elsewhere on District: Artist Spotlight: DECOY