When you think about it they’ve really handled everything that’s been thrown at them
Those lucky enough to call themselves citizens of Ireland will have rightly attributed their soaring levels of happiness to the current government. They aren’t your typical group of white middle-aged men, no they are hip, young guys who have cans in the park and are on the “TicTok”. Just to reiterate what a great job they are doing, we have collated a list of all the ways they are making Ireland a better place for everyone (even people who aren’t landlords):
Vaccine rollout: They couldn’t have vaccinated more people if they actually tried. Last weekend Tánaiste Leo Varadkar had more topless cans than there were people vaccinated after a whopping 8 people got the jab, which highlights the government’s commitment to people enjoying their weekend.
The National Children’s Hospital: They’ve cut costs to an alarming level, some are protesting that they should add another €1.43bn to the bill. Luckily for the taxpayers who definitely won’t be footing the bill, the government did a thorough job during the tendering process and definitely didn’t pick the cheapest.
Hotel quarantine: The Government acted fast by bringing in mandatory hotel quarantine after just 56 weeks.
The homeless crisis: The Government’s policy of them gathering in the Dáil shutting their collective eyes and singing “la-la-la-la” together has definitely made the 5000 homeless people in Ireland go away. It’s worked so well in fact, that they’ve taken to removing homeless people’s tents so the public forgets about it too.
The whitewater rafting: It’s brilliant that the Government made a call on this so early on, not letting it drag on and on. They took decisive action, and realized that spending millions of euros of government funds allocated to a tourist attraction in the middle of a pandemic, was a bad idea.
Letting co-living spaces go ahead: Despite the co-living ban taking effect late last year, it was nice of the government to allow those developers who had put in planning permission to go ahead. Cos who doesn’t want to be charged €1300 a month to live in a prison cell with an ensuite bathroom and a crying chair in the corner.
Ending Direct Provision: Let’s not lay any blame on the Irish government for allowing this inhumane system to exist for over two decades. Let’s just focus on the fact that it’s ending… in 2024.
The leaks: ‘Cos who wants straight forward communication between a Government and the public during a pandemic, best to spice it up and drip feed them the extremely important information every other week.