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5 ways to consume nothing but Guinness on Paddy’s Day

Words: Shamim de Brún
Artwork: Paul Smith

Paddy’s Day was once a joy of greenery I’m sure but these days it has become four days of green destruction. Just because we have always doesn’t mean we have to go green to show our Irishness. Thoughtless traditionalism is a dull but dangerous thing. This year we’re bucking greenery, and are instead going black and white to honour patron Patrick. So here are 5 ways to consume nothing but Guinness this Lá Fhéile Pádraig.

05

Guinness as Decor

Green is everywhere, if you wanted to throw a traditional party it would be simple. Pop to Tesco and splurge twenty quid on plastic niknaks to jazz up the gaff. But meh, we’ve seen it before. Guinness decor is simple. Get the rake of cans and stack ’em up. Add black and white ribbon for structural integrity if you must, but cans of Guinness are aesthetic enough, and you don’t really need to.

Feel free to turn it into a competition with your mates. Have everyone bring their own cans, and whoever makes the best stack house wins the respect of the masses.

Upcycle your empty Guinness cans into decor too. Hang some twine across the room, and as you finish, cans hang them on it like bunting. This has the bonus that will make people actually clean up after themselves. Boom.

04

Guinness as Food

Guinness is a tasty morsel that has been around long enough to be considered an ingredient. You can use it in so many ways that you could eat nothing but Guinness themed food on Paddy’s day if you damn well pleased.

The one you should try is Guinness Soda Bread. It is the be-all and end-all of malty goodness. Perfect as breakfast with some wild Irish smoked salmon and Ireland’s premier cream cheese – Compsey Creamery. We all know beef and Guinness pie and Guinness stew, but realistically none of us will bother with the classics on a day like Paddy’s. Most hosts are going for finger food. And so I pitch to you Guinness Glazed Meatballs. Buy some meatballs cover in glaze. Bish bash bosh. Have some buns on the side decent-sized toothpicks, and you are all kinds of sorted.

If you’re a bit extra and love going all out, then Guinness cake to finish it off is a must. It’s the perfect one bowel dump cake that’s full of chocolatey Guinness flavour. Perfect to mop up the inevitable emotional overspill a good Paddy’s Day brings.

03

Guinness as Drink

guinness

Guinness, as Saint Patrick intended, is in pint form. You know this. And you know where to go to get it. But if you don’t want to leave the house, you have the newfangled fixed widget can, or if you’re feeling particularly flush, you could go all in and get yourself a Guinness micro draught system.

Of course, you can have a bastard baby Guinness, but also The Black Magic is a cocktail literally made with whiskey and Guinness, so it’s worth trying out if you’re going to commit to the spirit of Guinness this Saint Patrick’s Day.

02

Guinness an Ensemble

Feel free to wear any Guinness branded clothes you own. Alternatively, dress as a pint of Guinness by wearing all black and white hat. Simples. We’ve all got a white beanie hanging around somewhere. If not then try black jeans, a black jumper and a white shirt with a decent collar. Pin a shamrock you pick off the green to your lapel if you don’t want to be pinched by a Simpsons fan and keep your bases covered.

01

Guinness as an Event

If all of that was not enough of the good stuff, then you can always head over to the Store House for a tour to catch the Brewers Festival, or if you’re feeling like a bop, then hit up the Open The Gate festival at the OG brewery. Featuring performances from DJ Selky, electro, Tiny Choons, Soul Jam, We 3 Kings, and Colin Devine. The festival will also include performances by the Irish dance troupes, Prodijig, STOUTies and Irish folk group, The Dublin Rovers. 

In this, is our first restriction-free year of shenanigans so it’s time to fudge with tradition and lean into some monochromatic Irishness. It’s way easier than trying to dye things green anyway.