Words: Shamim de Brún
Listen up, folks! We’ve got a serious issue on our hands, and it’s not the fact that the latest season of “Love Island” was a total flop. No, this problem is far more pressing. We’re talking about the outrageous prices of sausage rolls in Dublin. That’s right, you heard me correctly. The humble sausage roll, once a staple of the working-class diet, has now become a luxury item that only the elite can afford.
Okay, so that is a slight exaggeration, but only slight. Where once you could get a chonky sausage roll in SuperValu on the quays for €1.60, it is now €2.20. That’s almost a thirty per cent increase. Shocking. Where once you could get five small bad boys for €2.00, it’s coming in at €2.25 for three in Spar. Even the vegans are impacted. When they originally launched the deli vegan saussie-roll they were max two quid, and now they’re hitting at the three euro mark. Sure, you may as well be getting an artisanal one at that price point. Dunnes have stopped doing their five sausage roll deal and now you can just get individual ones for 55c each.
Salt in the wound is that they’re going up without any rise in quality. It’s the exact same product. We know that literally, everything is going up up and away, but dear deities is nothing sacred? Won’t someone please think of the sausage roll eaters?
If you’re thinking, ” it’s just a sausage roll. Who cares?” – please leave and never come back. My friend, this is more than just a matter of taste. We’re talking about a fundamental shift in society here. Sausage rolls are supposed to be a peasant food. Something that we common folk can enjoy regularly without breaking the bank.
The current aren’t the only problem. It’s the fact that they keep going up, and up, and up, with no end in sight. It’s like the people selling sausage rolls are playing a sick game of “how much can we charge before they revolt?” Well, let me tell you, folks, the revolution is coming. And it’s going to start with the humble sausage roll.
We need to take a stand to demand that sausage rolls remain at a pocket-friendly price point during this cost of living crisis. We need to remind the powers that be that we, the people of Dublin, deserve access to affordable, delicious snacks just as much as the upper class. Besides, posh people already have their fancy fennel sausage rolls for a tenner.
Sausage rolls are not just a deli go-to. They are a symbol of our culture, of our values, of our way of life. And we cannot let the impending recession take them away from us. What will we eat when we’re hungover? When we’re late for work? What will we do without an affordable pastry pal?
So, the next time you’re wandering the streets of Dublin, and you see a sausage roll that costs more than your rent, don’t just walk on by. Stand up, raise your voice, and say, “Enough is enough!” We may be the little guys in this fight, but we have something that the powerful don’t: a deep, abiding love for the simple pleasure of processed pork products. And that, my friends, is something that no amount of money can buy.
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