Who will populate the brand new town of Clonburris in west Dublin?

Dublin county is set to get an upgrade. The Government just signed off on a 186 million euros package to build a brand new town from scratch, named Clonburris.

The funding will enable over 8,700 homes to be built, providing housing for approximately 23,000 people. The entire project is set to cost 2.9 billion euros.

The new town will be nestled between Lucan, Clondalkin and Liffey Valley. So even though there will roughly be an extra 20,000 people in Dublin, you probably won’t notice them.

And, according to the project’s website, Clonburris will be “twelve minutes” drive from Dublin city centre. According to our calculations, though, it takes a lot more than twelve minutes to drive from west Dublin to the city centre. Is this new city being built in the year 2050 when we have Bullet trains and DART+ West?

Minister for Housing Darragh O’Brien described the development as “the first project of its kind in a generation”.

2,600 homes will also be social and affordable homes delivered by South Dublin County Council, according to O’Brien.

South Dublin County Council explained that, to build the town, they’re taking inspiration from Naas and Navan. Because that’s the problem with Dublin all along. We’re simply too far away from Navan.

Demographics of the new “dry” town

Clonburris gets its name from the “Clon” meaning “a dry place” and “Burris” meaning “burough” or “of the town”. So the newest town in Dublin is effectively called… the dry town. So maybe we can send all the accountants there. Or all the people in their twenties who still ask you where you went to school there.

Or if we’re talking really dry, we can send all the members of Fine Gael to Clonburris. The town will actually populate 23,000 to 25,000 people, which is roughly the current size of Fine Gael.

Maybe that’s the masterplan. Fine Gael are losing popularity with the young people of Ireland, and they don’t show signs of getting more popularity. But rather than trying to reach out to these demographics, maybe Fine Gael are planning to simply pack up and head to Clonburris.

So they can set up their own little centre-right utopia right in the heart of west Dublin. Or they can tear themselves apart from the inside, whichever comes first.

Elsewhere on District: 1.4 million euros added to Night-Time Economy Support Scheme