Words: Dylan Murphy
€1060 a month for your underwear to smell of last night’s dinner? Sign me up.
What is it?
This particular overpriced shoebox is detailed as a “Spacious studio with good storage.”
Even by the distorted standards of Dublin’s letting environment that’s a pretty fucking generous description. A space exists between objects in the room. That space is pretty small and all those objects shouldn’t even be in the same room, but yeah let’s call it ~spacious~.
I’d say ‘Pimp My Ride’ would create more room beside the popcorn maker in the boot of a modified mini than in this.
At least describe it as ‘cosy’ or ‘strategically compact’. If it was sold as, ‘a minimalist apartment that allows you to watch your food cook from the comfort of your bed’ I’d give them some props. But saying it’s spacious is about as believable as a Fine Gael pre-election promise to rebuild The Bernard Shaw out of recycled cans of Dutch Gold.
Just look at the positioning of the chest of drawers, jesus. Imagine bringing a significant other round to your house for the first time and trying to say with a straight face, MTV Cribs style, “this is where the magic happens”.
There’s a cooker in your bedroom or there’s a bed and chest of drawers in your kitchen. Whichever way you see it the extractor fan still looks like it runs on batteries.
You are basically paying €1060 a month to fulfil some landlord’s glorified Tetris fetish, tightly fitting random furniture where it shouldn’t go.
“Hey I don’t know what you are talking about, this random chair doesn’t fit neatly anywhere!”
Eh.. Yeah so they took a picture of a chair in the middle of the room for this letting, but there is no inkling to where it could actually stay. Maybe you put it beside the drawers and the cooker and make some fucked-up dystopian, mega-appliance transformer. Then you could simultaneously put your feet up, cook and cry at the same time?
Or maybe you can use it to play the world’s most depressing game of the floor is lava? The possibilities are endless.
No words needed, just look at how lame and depressing that solitary chair looks. Bear in mind it’s also been moved there for another weirdly grizzly photo.
At least there’s a fire extinguisher incase your bed catches fire for being too close to the cooker.
On top of how ridiculous the set-up is they want someone to pay €1060 every single, soul-crushing month. Imagine parting with over €12,000 a year just so you can accidentally slop grease from the frying pan into the open drawer of t-shirts.
I wouldn’t wish this gaff on my worst enemy, not even someone who filled those drawers with chinos and Superdry t-shirts deserves that shite. Even the most irritable of people – those who clap when the plane lands or the fellas who chew your ear off on a night out insisting that no one else really gets ‘Glue’ by Bicep. Not even they should have to pay that much to live in this impractical hell.
I’m trying to be optimistic, but you know things are bad when you think, “well at least you don’t have to shit in the same room you cook in”, but that’s possibly the only silver lining of this overpriced hell-hole.
Where is it? Adelaide rd, Dublin 2, Dublin City Centre
We can tell the owner of this place is one step ahead. They’ve described it as being “close to Luas and Eye and Ear hospital”, which will be handy when you need to give your pupils a good scrub after seeing the place.
It’s not too far from town which is decent I guess and near to the Luas, but moving from one squashed box to another isn’t exactly an attractive proposition.
You more than likely will be able to get to work and back quicker if you live here, but I wouldn’t exactly be rushing to open the door and put my feet up on a wardrobe when I want to relax at night.
It was genuinely emotionally exhausting writing this, I didn’t even begin to talk about the Katanas that lay above the bed of the former inhabitant, poor sod went through enough already living in that place.
The kitchen-bedroom fusion has potential to sound like an ultra-modern, Nordic approach to property development. But in reality when you see the pictures you realise it’s just gross. The highly questionable use of the word “spacious” and seeing a cooker and chest of drawers side-by-side for the first time has left a sour taste in the mouth.
The sad reality is this isn’t even the worst place I’ve seen, but it’s certainly up there.
For that reason this gaff gets a 7/10 on the shitemeter.
Click here to view it for yourself.