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NFTs that remind us we’re in the Sci-Fi worst reality

Image: Unsplash

Words: Ellen Kenny

Has technology gone too far, or are bread NFTs the way of the future?
We still may not fully understand NFTs and their actual purpose, but that doesn’t mean that all the classic brands and celebrities aren’t clamouring to use them. What better way to show you’re down with the ids than marketing through a series of blockchain?
We took a look at some of the craziest NFT marketing moments to remind you that we live in a scrapped episode of Black Mirror.

01 Brennans Bread

“Today’s bread, forever”

We truly are at a tremendous moment in history. As the price of bread climbs to match soaring flour and fuel prices, at least your extortionate sandwich can be immortalised forever with Brennans’ newest menu of NFTs. 

That’s right. For the next month, Brennans will release four unique digital artworks each week inspired by your favourite primary school lunches, including the timeless crisp sandwich.

Can Brennans prove that NFTs are more than just a flash in the sliced pan?

Ten copies of each “meal” can be bought for €1.87- the approximate price of a sliced pan. Personally we prefer the kind of bread that’s edible, but that doesn’t mean we don’t like a bargain when we see it. The average price of an NFT is up to $1000, and at least Brennans have chosen carbon neutral marketplace Bubblehouse.

That’s why District are proud to announce that we are the proud owners of Ham and Cheese on Family Pan #3.

02 TG4

Gadaí na NFT

What better way to blend the past with the future, tradition with tech, than to have an Irish NFT? 

TG4 were extremely proud to launch the world’s first ever NFT as Gaeilge, The Naofa’s Focain Traochta collection (Holy and F***ing Exhausted). Or they would have been extremely proud to launch the world’s first NFT as Gaeilge, if the creator Louise “Selkies” Ní Chuillin, didn’t reveal she never gave permission for her art to be minted in the first place.

Turns out that in a delicious twist, Ní Chuillin designed her art to “take the piss” out of NFTs, but TG4 clearly missed the joke. 

TG4 quickly cancelled the launch, but we hope this doesn’t mean the end of Irish NFTs. Perhaps some limited Sraith Pictiúr NFTs could be released this Leaving Cert season?

03

GAA

No aspect of Irish culture will be left untouched by the NFT craze, although GAA has been stuck on the sidelines so far. Plans to create GAA-related NFTs were announced by Croke Park in February, but the NFTs still remain in the “prerelease” phase.

Sport-related NFTs are a hot ticket though. The American National Football League launched their own digital collectibles based on all thirty two teams with many being sold for over $500. Irish sport journalists predict that GAA NFTs will sell for around €50.

Personally, I don’t see the appeal in sport-related NFTs when Match Attax cards are right there. Although maybe Croke Park can fashion a nice little Sam Maguire NFT for Mayo- it may be the only one they get this century.

04 $94million NFT

Just a big ball, really

All of these Irish innovations are just slim pickings compared to the real deal. The most expensive- and most mysterious- NFT comes from Pak, a digital artist who remains a total mystery. 

Rather than the typical static NFT you can buy, Pak created “The Merge”, an ominously named art piece consisting of “masses” people can purchase. The more “masses” you purchase, the bigger The Merge becomes. The result?

A big white ball worth $91.8 million.

05 Azealia Banks

Sex Tape NFT

No Brennans Bread or big white ball compares to the absolute crypto chaos from Azealia Banks.

In a now-deleted post, Banks asked her followers “Can someone please do something outrageous with this NFT shit?”

True to her word, Banks launched the first audio sex-tape to enter the blockchain featuring herself and her boyfriend Ryder Ripps, elegantly named “I Fucked Ryder Ripps.”

The NFT sold at an auction for 10 Ethereum which roughly equates to $22500 and ten years off my life.

Elsewhere on District: The government are getting back into wine