Words: Ellen Kenny
City-living is all about cutting corners, but this house looks like it’s cut so many corners that it’s now a circle.
From the outside, this East Wall listing looks entirely unassuming. But inside is a host of chaos.
According to the advertisement, this house is a “special investment opportunity”. Because this terrace house is perfectly sectioned off to create three separate living units. Being close to your neighbours is always lovely, but do you want to be so close with them that you bump into them at 03:00 on your way to the kitchen to eat cold pizza?
Two of these “apartments” appear harmless enough, as there actually are two kitchens for each tenant. But the other “unit” is the definition of living hell.
The house boasts a lovely spiral staircase bringing you to a charming mezzanine. That staircase leads you right to a great big shower on that mezzanine for everyone to see. The advertisement is technically a three-bathroom property, but does a hallway with a shower and sink count as a bathroom? Or does it count as a human rights violation?
Right next to the shower, you can feast your eyes on a lovely double bed. Because as well as showering in the hallway, you can sleep there too! And those switches right next to the shower? Just a little extra spark for the house. A studio apartment like this is hard to come by these days.
And while there (thankfully) might not be a toilet on the mezzanine, this is definitely still a “shit where you eat” situation. When looking at the photo of the couch underneath the mezzanine, you can spot the counter from one of the advertised kitchens. You know, the kitchen you might end up sharing with your neighbour.
I think this is actually one of the most mind-boggling houses I have seen. A bit like a fever dream, or dare I say a wet dream. Catching your neighbour in the shower is definitely one way to build good relations in your community. Or conduct some sort of horrible social experiment.
And according to Ciarán at Crazy House Prices who spotted this property, it might not even be legal.
This really is a special investment opportunity. Buy this house, you become one of the craziest landlords in Dublin.
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